On Monday, September 16, 2013 6:21:20 PM UTC-7, Smartin wrote:
> Since the last round of updates we've had additional feedback from the User 
> Engagement team, and we'd like to propose some further changes to a broad 
> audience.
> 
>  
> 
> The goal of the proposed changes is to see *if* we can trim the principles to 
> 118 characters of text without sacrificing meaning, so that Mozilla can 
> utilize grass roots marketing efforts, such as Twitter (118 characters of 
> text + shortened url = Twitter 140 character limit). If we can shorten 
> without changing the meaning, we can utilize social media to compete against 
> organizations with much larger marketing budgets and communicate directly 
> with users. This is not to say, in any way, that social media should trump 
> substance. Rather, it’s an attempt to see if we can do both - keep the 
> substance and gain the social media presence.   
> 
>     
> 
> After having worked through the goal and the language with Mitchell, I think 
> this has been accomplished, and I think she agrees that this is the case.  
> While the Manifesto was written to Mozillians, we discussed the benefit to 
> making it more broadly accessible through social media and that the added 
> crispness and clarity that we hope to achieve by shortening the principles 
> may also add benefit and is worth discussing. We hope to gather input this 
> week to allow time to launch a v1.0 in October, as part of Mozilla’s 15th 
> anniversary year.
> 
>  
> 
> For more information about his project, please visit 
> https://wiki.mozilla.org/Manifesto/1.0_Changes 
> 
>  
> 
> The changes:
> 
>  
> 
> Two principles required additional shortening beyond our initial efforts.  
> We’d like to focus the discussion on these two to help make sure that the 
> additional changes conform to the original intent. (Note - the numbers in 
> parentheses are the character counts, targeted at 118 or less.)
> 
>  
> 
> Proposed #6: The Internet depends on interoperability, innovation and 
> decentralized participation worldwide. (95)
> 
> 
> 
> Notes:
> 
>  
> 
> Previously approved version:  The effectiveness of the Internet as a public 
> resource depends upon interoperability, innovation and decentralized 
> participation worldwide. (140)
> 
>  
> 
> Alternate revision: As a public resource, the Internet depends on 
> interoperability, innovation and decentralized participation worldwide. (117)
> 
>  
> 
> Original: The effectiveness of the Internet as a public resource depends upon 
> interoperability (protocols, data formats, content), innovation and 
> decentralized participation worldwide. (174)
> 
>  
> 
> Benefits of Proposed Version: Shortens to focus on the Internet itself, less 
> complexity in an already complex principle.  The Internet is defined as a 
> public resource in principle #2.
> 
>  
> 
> Proposed #9:  A balance between commercial involvement and public benefit is 
> critical to the health of the Internet. (102)
> 
> 
> 
> Notes:
> 
> 
> 
> Previously approved version:  Commercial involvement in the Internet brings 
> many benefits; a balance between commercial goals and public benefit is 
> critical. (129)
> 
>  
> 
> Alternate revision: A balance between commercial goals and public benefit is 
> critical and brings many benefits. (92)
> 
> 
> 
> Original: Commercial involvement in the development of the Internet brings 
> many benefits; a balance between commercial goals and public benefit is 
> critical. (146)
> 
>  
> 
> Benefits of Proposed Version: Keeps the original emphasis on the necessity 
> for commercial involvement, while removing repetitiveness to shorten.  The 
> proposed version is thought to better emphasize commercial involvement.  
> Public benefit is emphasized a second time in principle #10.
> 
>  
> 
> Other changes:
> 
>  
> 
> Principle #1 - Replace the dash with a semi-colon.
> 
> Principle # 3 – Replace “individual human beings” with “individuals”
> 
> Principle # 5 – Replace “it” with “online”
> 
> Principle #10 – Replace “Magnifying” with “Increasing”
> 
>  
> 
> Proposed Revision as of 09/16/13:
> 
>  
> 
> 1. The Internet is integral to modern life: education, communication, 
> collaboration, business, entertainment and society. (118)
> 
>  
> 
> 2. The Internet is a global public resource that must remain open and 
> accessible. (80)
> 
>  
> 
> 3. The Internet should enrich the lives of individuals. (52)
> 
>  
> 
> 4. Security and privacy on the Internet are fundamental and can not be 
> treated as optional. (88)
> 
>  
> 
> 5. Individuals must have the ability to shape the Internet and their own 
> experiences online. (89)
> 
>  
> 
> 6. The Internet depends on interoperability, innovation and decentralized 
> participation worldwide. (95)
> 
>  
> 
> 7. Free and open source software promotes the development of the Internet as 
> a public resource. (93)
> 
>  
> 
> 8. Transparent community-based processes promote participation, 
> accountability and trust. (88)
> 
>  
> 
> 9. A balance between commercial involvement and public benefit is critical to 
> the health of the Internet. (102)
> 
>  
> 
> 10. Increasing the public benefit aspects of the Internet is an important 
> goal worthy of time, attention and commitment. (116)
-------------------

Hi all - Thank you for all the feedback.  I've consolidated it into the 
following revised recommendations.  I think we are pretty close on agreement 
for 1-8.  I tried to stay with the originals when we could, thus I did not 
change #8 to add "the Internet" because I felt it still made sense as a 
standalone without it.  Let me know if you strongly disagree, or if you 
strongly prefer an alternative for #'s 9 and 10, where we had several alternate 
suggestions. 

#1 - The Internet is integral to modern life: education, communication, 
collaboration, business, entertainment and society.
#2 - original - The Internet is a global public resource that must remain open 
and accessible.
#3 - original - The Internet should enrich the lives of individual human beings.
#4 - Security and privacy on the Internet are fundamental and must not be 
treated as optional.
#5 - Individuals must have the ability to shape the Internet and their own 
experiences on it.
#6 - As a public resource, the Internet depends on interoperability, innovation 
and decentralized participation worldwide.
#7 - original - Free and open source software promotes the development of the 
Internet as a public resource.
#8 - original - Transparent community-based processes promote participation, 
accountability, and trust.
#9 - A balance between commercial profit and public benefit is critical to the 
development of the Internet.
#10 - original - Magnifying the public benefit aspects of the Internet is an 
important goal, worthy of time, attention and commitment.
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