"modern life" and "society as a whole" are sort of synonyms, so what if
we cut the modern life bit and just say:
The Internet is integral to education, communication, collaboration,
business, entertainment and society as a whole.
That's 116 characters--two characters shorter than the current proposal.
If it was up to me, I'd also re-order the list to go from more general
to more specific parts of modern life, and take advantage of some
consonance:
The Internet is integral to communication, collaboration, education,
entertainment, business and society as a whole.
David
On 9/23/13 9:22 PM, Nicholas Nethercote wrote:
#1 - The Internet is integral to modern life: education, communication,
collaboration, business, entertainment and society.
The current manifesto has "The Internet is an integral part of modern
life—a key component in education, communication, collaboration,
business, entertainment and society as a whole."
I think "a key component in" makes it much clearer. Without that, the
list feels tacked on, and it reads as if the list is defining "modern
life".
Also, "society" doesn't quite fit with the others; it encompasses
them. In contrast "society as a whole" communicates that.
The best I can come up with that preserves those parts is "The
Internet is integral to modern life-a key part of education,
communication, collaboration, business, entertainment and society as a
whole." which is 142 chars :(
Nick
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