True indeed. On Mon, 1 Dec, 2025, 10:01 APS Mani, <[email protected]> wrote:
> Wife is an asset. Balanced thinking, ladies as wives is the best. > Traumatics are a burden. One has to be gifted with balanced thinking. The > Almighty is great! Mani > > On Mon, Dec 1, 2025 at 8:20 AM Rajaram Krishnamurthy < > [email protected]> wrote: > >> Psychological reasons for fear of wives or women >> >> >> >> Psychological reasons for fear of wives or women include trauma or >> negative past experiences, fear of not meeting expectations, a feeling of >> being outmatched by women's strength or competence, and a perceived fear of >> consequences from women due to societal or legal factors. In some cases, a >> specific phobia called gynophobia can develop due to severe negative >> experiences. >> >> Specific psychological factors >> >> Trauma and negative experiences: Past experiences of abuse or other >> traumatic events involving women can lead to an intense fear and anxiety >> around them. >> >> Fear of expectations: Men may fear they are unable to meet a woman's >> demands, whether emotional, financial, or sexual. >> >> Feeling of being outmatched: Fear can arise when a woman demonstrates >> strength, competence, or self-confidence that makes the man feel inferior >> or threatened. >> >> Fear of conflict or anger: Witnessing a woman's anger can trigger a >> "fight or flight" response, especially if conflict is confused with abuse. >> >> Social and legal factors: In some instances, a husband may fear negative >> consequences from his wife, and attribute this fear to legal systems that >> are perceived to favor women. >> >> Fear of intimacy or commitment: Some fears are tied to the idea of >> marriage itself, often stemming from unhealthy past relationships or a fear >> of divorce. >> >> Phobia of women (gynophobia): This is an intense and irrational fear of >> women, which can be rooted in environmental factors and past negative >> experiences. >> >> Contributing factors and perspectives >> >> Aging and dependency: Older men may become more dependent on their wives >> for daily needs, leading to a fear of their own physical decline and >> reliance on their spouse. >> >> Strategic appeasement: Some men might feign fear to keep peace, maintain >> control of the situation, or avoid conflict with their wives. >> >> Misunderstanding of emotions: A lack of understanding of a woman's >> emotions can lead to a fearful reaction when she expresses anger or other >> strong feelings. >> >> It is important to note that these are general psychological reasons, and >> the specific reasons can vary significantly from person to person. >> >> https://youtu.be/mQs0OzwEUHY why husbands frightened >> >> https://youtu.be/WvK9iH0G7tY >> >> Why are men afraid? >> >> Well, the key is that men don’t even test it to see what will happen. A >> classic nice guy, when he gets into a relationship, quickly loses all >> assertiveness and all disagreeableness, especially once the relationship is >> officially established. It happens well before marriage, and escalates over >> time, until he’s a meek little follower. >> >> But the fact is that he hardly ever brings it up. He never takes a stand >> and never finds out what will happen if he really goes hard on a point. He >> gets a bit of resistance at the start – an emotional reaction he’s >> uncomfortable with – and completely surrenders from there on out. >> >> What are they afraid of? >> >> First is they’re afraid that something big and final will happen, and >> it’s not even worth the risk of testing. You can’t test this because it’ll >> be such a devastating impact that you won’t be able to repair it. There >> will be no second chances. >> >> Or they have come to the conclusion that isn’t worth testing because >> they’re sure of the predicted outcome. They’ve tested it before in some >> way, or they believe they have, and they “know how it’s gonna go.” They’re >> not going to bother testing boundary setting again because they see it as a >> guaranteed failure.. >> >> Most nice guys are afraid that conflict and disagreement and dislike >> equals end of the relationship; total abandonment. >> >> I’d think, “See, she didn’t want to have sex with me last Thursday, and >> now we’re broken up. Told you!” I didn’t realize, of course, the way I >> reacted to her not wanting to have sex is probably the reason we broke up. >> >> Nice Guys have this idea from childhood trauma that if I am difficult >> emotionally, other people will withdraw their love, because this was a >> standard parenting technique that many of us experienced. >> >> We got punished for behaving badly, but this often wasn’t harmful >> behavior – it’s just behavior that was inconvenient emotionally for the >> parent, like expressing ourselves loudly or wanting to go outside. We got >> the timeout, we got the cold shoulder, we got the “Well, we’re not going >> then”, we got this I’m going to take away love because you’ve behaved in a >> way that simply isn’t my preference. >> >> The effects of the trauma >> >> Nice Guys get into relationships when they’re adults, and they think, >> “Man, if I behave in a way that is non preferential, if I behave in a way >> that creates any kind of unpleasant emotion and hurt, I’m going to lose her >> forever.” >> >> And they actually believe that, even though it might not be like a >> consciously held believe. They’ll think things like, “If I fight back >> she’ll divorce me” (and occasionally that is the case for some guys). It’s >> a sense of resistance or reluctance, like it’s not worth it. >> >> This unresolved childhood trauma often manifests as a Pick Your Battles >> mentality; a horrible, harmful cliche that they interpret as “never fight >> back ever”. >> >> Some guys are plagued by an “I’m always wrong” narrative. There are some >> nice guys that have been so punished for trying to be authentic when they >> were children and teenagers that they have the assumption that if someone >> disagrees with them, that’s evidence that they must be wrong. >> >> They think other people’s reaction to them tells them if they’re on track >> or not. That kind of nice guy will back down, not because he’s thinks it’s >> good for the partner but because he thinks if they’re resisting this much >> that he must be incorrect, so backing down is actually seen as the noble >> position. >> >> Another main reason that men are afraid of their wives and their >> behavior, which often coincides with the first reason I just spoke about, >> is the foregone conclusion that being assertive definitely will create what >> they call negativity: negative emotions, bad results, disagreement and >> hassle, which is not worth the effort. >> >> They think it’s harmful to be assertive. They think they hurt the other >> person and it’s pointless. Why would you throw money away on something that >> isn’t valuable? Why would you assert yourself if it only harms a >> relationship? >> >> They think, “Well, if the perfect life has no conflict, then the way to >> achieve it is to not have conflict, obviously. So if I am having conflict, >> I’m doing it wrong.” >> >> So most guys always think if I’m assertive, and that creates resistance, >> I must be doing this wrong because a perfect life wouldn’t have this >> resistance. They’re always trying to find this way where there’s no >> conflict at all. >> >> Assertive is not the same as Aggressive >> >> Aggressive is going to someone and harming them when they there’s no >> reason to. It’s crossing the line. It’s trying to cause damage in somebody >> else’s life, trying to control somebody else. >> >> When you’re simply stopping them from doing that to you, creating a wall >> to your fort that they can’t get past – you don’t actually go over and >> invade their fort but you don’t let them invade yours – that’s >> assertiveness. >> >> Assertive is: The buck stops here. I’m not tolerating their behavior. >> Stop it right now. I’m gonna do what I want. You do what you want. I’m not >> harming you, so leave me the fuck alone. >> >> A lot of nice guys will say that, “Everything assertive is aggression and >> always harms other people, and philosophy says you shouldn’t do that, so >> I’m likable for being a pussy.” >> >> And once a nice guy gets married, you get into this inter subjective >> cultural idea, which is that this is what being a husband is – the wife is >> the boss. You’re this browbeaten little coward, and you just kind of roll >> your eyes and joke with your mates and talk about how the missus won’t let >> you do this and won’t let you do that and you have to hide this from her >> because otherwise she’ll throw a fucking fit. >> >> This idea like you’re scared of her reacting to you being honest and that >> it’s okay because everybody else is. Just because you all drink poison >> doesn’t make it healthy. >> >> The Nice Guy backfire >> >> This whole thing is a great example of what I call the nice guy backfire. >> A backfire is a strategy that actually causes the thing that it’s trying to >> prevent. And nice guy syndrome is just rife with this. I’ve made other >> pieces of content about this, that you can go and check out: >> >> Basically every strategy that a nice guy has was formed in childhood by a >> child who didn’t know shit and had an immature mind. When they get into >> adulthood, it just backfires. >> >> Break the cycle >> >> What you don’t understand as a nice guy husband is that you need to stand >> up for yourself and cause short term conflict in order for long term >> results like being respected, being trusted, being relied on as a >> protector, and being seen as a real man that is attractive. >> >> All of these things come from you being assertive to your partner. When >> you’re trying to avoid and prevent conflict you doom the relationship. You >> make her unsatisfied, you make her feel unsafe, you make her very unlikely >> to want to stay, you make her much more likely to cheat. >> >> The instant gratification of her not being upset right now comes with a >> terrible long term cost. I work with the guys who are in their 40s and 50s >> and now they’re divorced. I know where this leads. >> >> Even if she brags about how lovely you are to her friends, that’s >> actually a red flag. If you’re doing things right as a husband, she should >> have something to complain about. There should be that bit of behavior you >> do that just annoys her and you still won’t change, and the thing you said >> that offended her, and that thing that you do that she doesn’t understand >> and she wishes you did something else. There has to be a bit of that for >> you to be authentic. >> >> If you’re dealing with say a narcissistic or antisocial personality, and >> they’re deliberately manipulating you and deliberately holding you down >> with fear, and you try stand up for yourself, they’ll do what’s called an >> extinction, which is they’ll have such an extreme overreaction to you >> standing up to yourself that it just absolutely decimates you and makes you >> never want to do it again. >> >> If you find that you being assertive leads to that kind of thing – plates >> being thrown, threats of divorce, cheating, horrible behaviors, and >> overreaction to you just standing up for yourself, not even trying to >> change the other person just standing up for what you believe in – then >> it’s very likely that you are in a totally toxic relationship, and the >> other person you’re with is very unwell. The relationship needs to end. >> >> When you first start asserting yourself after many years or perhaps >> decades of never doing it, yeah, you’re gonna get a bad reaction. She’s >> used to this little housecat and suddenly she’s got herself a Rottweiler. >> She’s going to fight back. >> >> She’s going to fight back partly out of the hope that this is real. What >> wives do with husbands when they start standing up for themselves is they >> push back to see if he stays strong. This might look negative, but what >> she’s actually hoping you’ll do is hold your ground so that she can finally >> say, “My husband has a spine!” >> >> The best advice >> >> If you can’t repair this relationship, at least you might be able to have >> better ones in the future. Or you can take this relationship, which might >> actually have a lot of good elements to it, and make it great by adding >> assertiveness. I can help you do that. >> >> K Rajaram IRS 11225 >> > -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Thatha_Patty" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. To view this discussion visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/thatha_patty/CAL5XZorAV8us%3DGwRsfmFaMmqM7TU23r9E5_jeDy5EK95j85BpA%40mail.gmail.com.
