Do We Have a Choice of Life Partners?
The question of whether we truly have a choice in selecting our life
partner has been debated across cultures, philosophies, and even
psychology. Marriage or companionship is not only a personal decision but
also a social, emotional, and sometimes spiritual one. While it seems
simple to say “yes, we choose,” a deeper look reveals that our freedom is
shaped by many forces—family, culture, destiny, and our own mind.
Social and Cultural Dimension
In today’s world, many societies allow individuals to freely select their
life partners. Love marriages, dating culture, and personal autonomy
emphasize choice. However, in traditional systems—such as arranged
marriages in India—families often play a central role. Here, the
individual’s choice may be limited or guided by caste, religion, economic
status, or family honor.
Interestingly, even in modern times, social approval matters. Couples may
feel they are choosing independently, but family opinions, social
background, and community acceptance strongly influence the decision. Thus,
while choice exists, it is not always absolute.
Psychological Dimension
>From a psychological standpoint, people believe they are exercising free
will in choosing a partner. Yet, research shows that preferences are often
unconscious. We are drawn to partners who mirror our upbringing, values,
and even unresolved emotional needs. Childhood experiences, cultural
conditioning, and exposure shape what we consider “attractive” or “ideal.”
So while we feel we are making a rational decision, our choices are often
guided by deeper patterns beyond our awareness. In that sense, our freedom
is real but conditioned.
Spiritual and Philosophical Dimension
Different traditions view this question differently:
Karmic View (Hinduism/Buddhism): Life partners are often seen as karmic
bonds—souls connected from past lives, destined to meet again.
Existentialist View (Western Philosophy): We are free to choose, but with
freedom comes the responsibility of living with consequences.
Mystical/Soulmate View: Some believe that certain souls are meant to cross
paths—destiny ensures their union, no matter the circumstances.
Here, choice and destiny are intertwined. We may feel we chose, but it
could also be life arranging circumstances for that choice.
The Practical Reality
In truth, we do have choice, but it is not unlimited. It is shaped by:
Family expectations and social structure
Personal psychology and emotional needs
Circumstances and opportunities
Possibly, karmic or spiritual destiny
What matters most is not whether the choice was “free” or “fated,” but how
wisely we handle the relationship once the decision is made.
Advice for Choosing a Partner
Look Beyond Emotions: Love is important, but lasting companionship requires
shared values, respect, and trust.
Balance Freedom and Responsibility: Exercise your choice, but also
recognize the impact on family and future life.
Be Self-Aware: Understand your own needs and patterns before choosing.
Accept Destiny’s Role: Sometimes, despite careful planning, life brings
unexpected relationships—embrace them with openness.
Conclusion
So, do we have a choice in life partners? Yes—but that choice is influenced
by family, culture, psychology, and perhaps destiny. In the end, the secret
to a smooth and fulfilling partnership lies less in the freedom of choice
and more in the wisdom of commitment, understanding, and growth within the
relationship.
2 If karma is certain what is the limitations of the Freewill?
This touches the heart of Indian philosophy and also modern debates on
destiny vs choice. Let’s break it down step by step:
If Karma is Certain, What are the Limitations of Freewill?
1. Understanding Karma
Karma means “action” and its consequences. Every thought, word, and deed
plants a seed that ripens later as experience.
This creates a cause-and-effect chain which seems to bind us to destiny.
So if everything is already the result of past actions, where is the space
for freewill?
2. Freewill within Karma
Indian philosophy usually explains it this way:
Past karma creates the field of circumstances in which we are born (family,
health, tendencies, opportunities).
But within those circumstances, we still have freewill to choose how to
respond.
Example:
If you are born with a health issue (due to past karma), you didn’t choose
that.
But whether you take treatment, exercise, and live positively—or fall into
despair—that is freewill. [May also be argued as destiny predetermined]
3. Limitations of Freewill
Freewill is not absolute. It is bounded by:
Past Karma (Prarabdha): Already-fructified karma that must be experienced
in this life (birth, death, certain sufferings/joys).
Circumstances of Birth: Place, family, culture, genetics—these are given,
not chosen.
Mind & Tendencies (Vasanas): Past actions shape our desires and tendencies,
which influence our decisions even now.
So, freewill cannot erase all karma instantly, but it can redirect future
karma (Agami) and gradually reduce old karma (Sanchita).
4. The Balance Between Karma and Freewill
Destiny = the cards we are dealt.
Freewill = how we play those cards.
Thus, karma sets the framework, but freewill determines whether we grow or
remain bound.
5. Spiritual Angle
Scriptures like the Bhagavad Gita emphasize action (karma yoga). Krishna
tells Arjuna: “You have the right to action, not to the fruits thereof.” →
This means freewill lies in choosing the action, while the outcome is
shaped by karma + divine order.
Saints say: Effort is in our hands, result is in God’s hands.
If karma is certain, freewill is limited but not absent. We cannot change
where we start, but we can choose how we live, react, and evolve. By right
use of freewill—through wisdom, discipline, and devotion—we can transform
future karma and even transcend the cycle of karma itself.
In short: Karma gives the stage, freewill decides the performance.
3 IS FREE WILL SUPPORED IN THE SCRIPTURES OF HINDUISM?
Bhagavad Gita, The Song of God, Commentary by Swami Mukundananda”.
Bhagavad Gita 2.47
*You have a right to perform your prescribed duties*, but you are not
entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself to be the
cause of the results of your activities, nor be attached to inaction.
Bhagavad Gita 3.27
*All activities are carried out by the three modes of material nature.* But
in ignorance, the soul, deluded by false identification with the body,
thinks of itself as the doer.
Bhagavad Gita 3.28
O mighty-armed Arjun, illumined persons distinguish the soul as distinct
from guṇas and karmas. They perceive that it is only the guṇas (in the
shape of the senses, mind, and others) that move among the guṇas (in the
shape of the objects of perception), and thus they do not get entangled in
them.
Bhagavad Gita 3.33
Even wise people act according to their natures, for all living beings are
propelled by their natural tendencies. What will one gain by repression?
Bhagavad Gita 5.8 – 5.9
Those steadfast in karm yog, always think, “I am not the doer,” even while
engaged in seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, moving, sleeping,
breathing, speaking, excreting, grasping, and opening or closing the eyes.
With the light of divine knowledge, they see that it is only the material
senses that are moving amongst their objects.
Bhagavad Gita 5.13
The embodied beings who are self-controlled and detached reside happily in
the city of nine gates free from thoughts that they are the doers or the
cause of anything. (not the resultant effects)
Bhagavad Gita 5.14
Neither the sense of doership nor the nature of actions comes from God; nor
does He create the fruits of actions. All this is enacted by the modes of
material nature (guṇas). [ Freewill is not “I AM FULFILLIMG THE TASK EGO”;
BUT NNCHALANT REACTIONS OF THE WORK CARRIED OUT UNMINDFUL THE EFFECTS; WE
ARE THE TOOLS; OUTCOME IS NOT THROUGH US THOUGH FROM US.]
Bhagavad Gita 11.32
The Supreme Lord said: I am mighty Time, the source of destruction that
comes forth to annihilate the world. Even without your participation, the
warriors arrayed in the opposing army shall cease to exist. [LORD
DISTINGUISH THE KARMA THE PRE-DETERMINED AND THE FREEWILL; SUPPOSE ARJUNA
NAD CO DID NOT CONDUCT THE WAR, YET ALL KORAVAS WOULS HAVE VBEED DEAD WAS
THE KARMA; ARJUNA DID NOT KILL ANY ONE OF THEM; BUT ACTED AS A TOOL OF THE
LORD, IN EXECUTING THE KARMA. ARJUNA ACTION IS FREEWILL AS A SHATRIYA
SWADHARMA. IF EGO WAS BEHIND THE ACTION OF ARJUNA, KARMA HITS HIM AS
AGAMA.]
Bhagavad Gita 11.33
Therefore, arise and attain honor! Conquer your foes and enjoy prosperous
rulership. These warriors stand already slain by Me, and you will only be
an instrument of My work, O expert archer.
Bhagavad Gita 11.34
Dronacharya, Bheeshma, Jayadratha, Karn, and other brave warriors have
already been killed by Me. Therefore, slay them without being disturbed.
Just fight and you will be victorious over your enemies in battle.
Bhagavad Gita 13.30
They alone truly see who understand that all actions (of the body) are
performed by material nature, while the embodied soul actually does nothing.
Bhagavad Gita 14.19
When wise persons see that in all work there is no agent of action other
than the three guṇas, and they know Me to be transcendental to these guṇas,
they attain My divine nature. [GUNA KARMA VIBHAGA IS EXPLAINED WHERE THE
KARMA IS WRITTEN ALREADY; BUT GUNAS EXPOSE THE SCENE OF ACTIONS]
Bhagavad Gita 14.22 – 14.23
The Supreme Divine Personality said: O Arjun, The persons who are
transcendental to the three guṇas neither hate illumination (which is born
of sattva), nor activity (which is born of rajas), nor even delusion (which
is born of tamas), when these are abundantly present, nor do they long for
them when they are absent. They remain neutral to the modes of nature and
are not disturbed by them. Knowing it is only the guṇas that act, they stay
established in the self, without wavering.
Bhagavad Gita 18.59
If, motivated by pride, you think, “I shall not fight,” your decision will
be in vain. Your own nature will compel you to fight.[ SO FREEWILL IS LIKE
A CHILD’S PLAYING AS IF REAL WITH THE TOYS AND SO ARJUN WILL HAVE TO FIGHT
AND YOU WILL DO ONLY WHAT WAS WRITTEN AS KARMA-AS ID DONE AS A FREEWILL]
Bhagavad Gita 18.60
O Arjun, that action which out of delusion you do not wish to do, you will
be driven to do it by your own inclination, born of your own material
nature.
Bhagavad Gita 18.61
The Supreme Lord dwells in the hearts of all living beings, O Arjun. *According
to their karmas*, HE directs the wanderings of the souls, who are seated on
a machine made of material energy.
The first Veda, believed to be protected by Lord Brahma himself, had 18
chapters. Later, Sage Veda Vyasa divided it to create the four Vedas:
Rigveda, Yajur Veda, Sama Veda and Atharava Veda. Each of these Vedas had
18 chapters.
There are 18 puranas, 18 upa-puranas and 18 dharma-shastras (Smritis).
The number 18 predominates the “Mahabharata”. It is written in 18 parvas or
books. The Mahabharata war was fought with 18 divisions of the army (11 on
the Kauravas side and 7 on the Pandavas). The war lasted for 18 days.
Finally, it is said that only 18 people survived the war.
Reconciling Free Will and Determinism
After a great deal of reading and pondering over the issue, I have come to
the conclusion that both free will and determinism are valid and valuable
concepts; which concept takes precedence over the other in a specific
situation depends upon the context, the perspective, and the reference
point. From the perspective of the material world, in which one
identifies with one’s body and mind instead of the soul – which is one’s
True Self – free will makes perfect sense. After all, a meal doesn’t
prepare itself and a house doesn’t get built without effort or free will.
>From the perspective of the spiritual world, however, in which one
identifies with the soul that is temporarily having physical, emotional,
and intellectual experiences through the body-mind complex, all work is
done through Material Nature (Prakriti), while the soul is just a witness.
The material energy or Prakriti is not antithetical to God; rather it is
one of the innumerable powers of God. Thus, from a spiritual perspective,
whatever happens in the material world, in the final analysis, can be
attributed to God, which implies determinism. No wonder, Hindu scriptures have
declared God to be the “cause of all causes” (sarva karana karanam). This
brings to mind the famous line from Goswami Tulasidas’ “RamcharitManas”,
“Hoi hai soi jo ram rachi rakha” (Everything happens as per Lord Rama’s
will)
The best advice on how to reconcile free will with determinism was
provided in “Yoga Vasistha”, in which Maharishi Vasishth tells Lord Ram, *“Ram,
while working, externally exert Yourself as if the results depend upon You;
but internally, realize Yourself to be the non-doer.” *
As India’s first prime minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, once said, “Life is like
a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it
is free will.”
4 If Karma is Certain, what are the Limitations of Freewill? (Indian &
Western Perspectives)
1. Indian Perspective
In Indian philosophy, karma and freewill are not contradictions but
complementary truths.
Karma (Determinism): Our past actions shape present circumstances (birth,
tendencies, challenges).
Freewill (Choice): Within those circumstances, we can choose how to act
now, thereby shaping future karma.
Analogy: Karma is the seed, freewill is how you nurture the plant.
Types of Karma (Hindu View)
Prarabdha – already ripe karma; must be experienced (e.g., birth family,
lifespan).
Sanchita – stored karma; can be burned by spiritual practice.
Agami – new karma created by current freewill.
Thus, freewill is limited by prarabdha but active in creating agami.
2. Western Perspectives
Western philosophy has long debated determinism vs freewill:
Determinism
Ancient Greek Stoics believed events are determined by fate (logos), but we
can control our inner attitude.
Modern science often views human behavior as determined by biology,
environment, and psychology.
Hard Determinism
Thinkers like Spinoza: everything follows cause-and-effect, so freewill is
an illusion.
Libertarian Freewill
Thinkers like Sartre: human beings are radically free; even in worst
circumstances, we can choose our meaning.
Compatibilism
David Hume & modern philosophers: freewill and determinism can coexist.
Example: You are free if you act according to your desires—even if those
desires are shaped by causes.
This view is very close to the Indian karmic idea: we inherit conditions,
but still act within them.
3. Common Ground
Both traditions recognize limitations on human freedom.
Both also affirm that our response matters more than our circumstances.
Example: nIndian: A person is born poor due to past karma, but by effort
(freewill) can study, work, and improve.
Western: A person may be shaped by genetics/environment, but still makes
choices that define their character.
4. Spiritual Bridge
Indian goal: Use freewill wisely to exhaust karma and attain moksha
(liberation).
Western existentialist goal: Use freewill to create authentic meaning
despite limitations.
So in both, freedom lies not in escaping destiny but in rising above it.
If karma is certain, freewill is not absolute but meaningful. It cannot
rewrite the past, but it can direct the present and shape the future.
Indian view: Freewill helps burn karma and even transcend it through wisdom
and devotion.
Western view: Freewill allows us to create meaning even within
deterministic conditions.
In short: We are not free to choose our cards, but we are free to play
them well. That freedom itself is the path to growth and liberation.
K RAJARAM IRS 4925 NB It dawned in me when I read husband wife low
esteemed jokes. Husband and wife joining is Karma and inevitable but if we
play our cards as a fair-game, pain may appear as a pleasure or else life
is a joke only
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