I figure this is too funny to pass up, posted on joelonsoftware forum
via del.icio.us/popular.

Cheers (and have a good deja vu?),
G. Tanuel


Why I Hate Frameworks
=====================
http://discuss.joelonsoftware.com/default.asp?joel.3.219431.12

I'm currently in the planning stages of building a hosted Java web
application (yes, it has to be Java, for a variety of reasons that I
don't feel like going into right now). In the process, I'm evaluating
a bunch of J2EE portlet-enabled JSR-compliant MVC role-based CMS web
service application container frameworks.

And after spending dozens of hours reading through feature lists and
documentation, I'm ready to gouge out my eyes.

Let's pretend I've decided to build a spice rack.

I've done small woodworking projects before, and I think I have a
pretty good idea of what I need: some wood and a few basic tools: a
tape measure, a saw, a level, and a hammer.

If I were going to build a whole house, rather than just a spice rack,
I'd still need a tape measure, a saw, a level, and a hammer (among
other things).

So I go to the hardware store to buy the tools, and I ask the sales
clerk where I can find a hammer.

"A hammer?" he asks. "Nobody really buys hammers anymore. They're kind
of old fashioned."

Surprised at this development, I ask him why.

"Well, the problem with hammers is that there are so many different
kinds. Sledge hammers, claw hammers, ball-peen hammers. What if you
bought one kind of hammer and then realized that you needed a
different kind of hammer later? You'd have to buy a separate hammer
for your next task. As it turns out, most people really want a single
hammer that can handle all of the different kinds of hammering tasks
you might encounter in your life."

"Hmmmmmm. Well, I suppose that sounds all right. Can you show me where
to find a Universal Hammer."

"No, we don't sell those anymore. They're pretty obsolete."

"Really? I thought you just said that the Universal Hammer was the
wave of the future."

"As it turns out, if you make only one kind of hammer, capable of
performing all the same tasks as all those different kinds of hammers,
then it isn't very good at any of them. Driving a nail with a
sledgehammer isn't very effective. And, if you want to kill your
ex-girlfriend, there's really no substitute for a ball-peen hammer."

"That's true. So, if nobody buys Universal Hammers anymore, and if
you're no longer selling all those old-fashioned kinds of hammers,
what kinds of hammers do you sell?"

"Actually, we don't sell hammers at all."

"So..."

"According to our research, what people really needed wasn't a
Universal Hammer after all. It's always better to have the right kind
of hammer for the job. So, we started selling hammer factories,
capable of producing whatever kind of hammers you might be interested
in using. All you need to do is staff the hammer factory with workers,
activate the machinery, buy the raw materials, pay the utility bills,
and PRESTO...you'll have *exactly* the kind of hammer you need in no
time flat."

"But I don't really want to buy a hammer factory..."

"That's good. Because we don't sell them anymore."

"But I thought you just said..."

"We discovered that most people don't actually need an entire hammer
factory. Some people, for example, will never need a ball-peen hammer.
(Maybe they've never had ex-girlfriends. Or maybe they killed them
with icepicks instead.) So there's no point in someone buying a hammer
factory that can produce every kind of hammer under the sun."

"Yeah, that makes a lot of sense."

"So, instead, we started selling schematic diagrams for hammer
factories, enabling our clients to build their own hammer factories,
custom engineered to manufacture only the kinds of hammers that they
would actually need."

"Let me guess. You don't sell those anymore."

"Nope. Sure don't. As it turns out, people don't want to build an
entire factory just to manufacture a couple of hammers. Leave the
factory-building up to the factory-building experts, that's what I
always say!!"

"And I would agree with you there."

"Yup. So we stopped selling those schematics and started selling
hammer-factory-building factories. Each hammer factory factory is
built for you by the top experts in the hammer factory factory
business, so you don't need to worry about all the details that go
into building a factory. Yet you still get all the benefits of having
your own customized hammer factory, churning out your own customized
hammers, according to your own specific hammer designs."

"Well, that doesn't really..."

"I know what you're going to say!! ...and we don't sell those anymore
either. For some reason, not many people were buying the hammer
factory factories, so we came up with a new solution to address the
problem."

"Uh huh."

"When we stepped back and looked at the global tool infrastructure, we
determined that people were frustrated with having to manage and
operate a hammer factory factory, as well as the hammer factory that
it produced. That kind of overhead can get pretty cumbersome when you
deal with the likely scenario of also operating a tape measure factory
factory, a saw factory factory, and a level factory factory, not to
mention a lumber manufacturing conglomerate holding company. When we
really looked at the situation, we determined that that's just too
complex for someone who really just wants to build a spice rack."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"So this week, we're introducing a general-purpose tool-building
factory factory factory, so that all of your different tool factory
factories can be produced by a single, unified factory. The factory
factory factory will produce only the tool factory factories that you
actually need, and each of those factory factories will produce a
single factory based on your custom tool specifications. The final set
of tools that emerge from this process will be the ideal tools for
your particular project. You'll have *exactly* the hammer you need,
and exactly the right tape measure for your task, all at the press of
a button (though you may also have to deploy a few *configuration
files* to make it all work according to your expectations)."

"So you don't have any hammers? None at all?"

"No. If you really want a high-quality, industrially engineered spice
rack, you desperately need something more advanced than a simple
hammer from a rinky-dink hardware store."

"And this is the way everyone is doing it now? Everyone is using a
general-purpose tool-building factory factory factory now, whenever
they need a hammer?"

"Yes."

"Well…All right. I guess that's what I'll have to do. If this is the
way things are done now, I guess I'd better learn how to do it."

"Good for you!!"

"This thing comes with documentation, right?"

Benji Smith
Friday, September 30, 2005


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