Thanks Alice and Qin,
Snipping down to point 6.
> 6) <!-- [rfced] Section 3.2: For parallelism in the list provided in
> this section, we made several updates to the definition paragraphs
> (the top-level items). For consistency of style, we went with
> sentence fragments instead of complete sentences. Please review, and
> let us know any updates. -->
>
> [AF] Well, hmmm, you have created some non-sentences, I think. For example:
> In the context of Network Monitoring, the variation in the
> Value of a Characteristic associated with a Resource.
> Do we not prefer to write in complete sentences?
> But, I do note that the original was culpable of this as well, so hey-ho?
[AR] hey-ho, indeed. Happy to revert to original or update each to a complete
sentence (which leads to some repetition, e.g., "Foo: A Foo is a lovely
thing."). Please let us know your preference.
[AF2] Although it is more of an edit, and recognising that not all people think
Foos are lovely, I would prefer to go to full sentences.
> I checked the semantics, and I don't think this change is a problem except:
>
> "Detect". Retaining the sub-bullet would be preferred because it is a
> significant difference from the main definition. I'd be happy to s/Hence
> also/Also/ in the sub-bullet if that helps.
>
[AR] updated accordingly.
> "Occurrence" I'll be led by you on fine-grain/fine-grained. I thought:
> This piece of sand is a fine-grain particle.
> This is a handful of fine-grained particles.
[AR] If the intended meaning is 'concerned with or using small details' [1],
the one instance in this document seems fine:
* An Occurrence may be an aggregation or abstraction of multiple
fine-grained Events or Changes.
[1] This definition is from
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/fine-grained because the
Merriam-Webster definition is not useful ("characterized by comparatively fine
graininess").
[AF2] Does Merriam-Webster have a definition for "useless" and "ROFL"?
Your change is good.
Cheers,
Adrian
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