SELF ESTEEM AND SELF RESPECT
What is Self-respect, a Definition | Rooted in Decency Self-esteem is
your overall sense of self-worth and value, often based on your abilities
and external feedback, while self-respect is your inherent value and
dignity, based on your values and the way you honor yourself and your
needs. Self-esteem is more about "how I feel about myself," while
self-respect is about "how I treat myself," regardless of performance or
other people's opinions. Self-respect is natural GUNA VIBHAGA while self
esteem is earned in life.
Our culture is concerned with matters of self-esteem. Self-respect,
on the other hand, may hold the key to achieving the peace of mind we seek.
The two concepts seem very similar but the differences between them are
crucial. To esteem anything is to evaluate it positively and hold it in
high regard, but evaluation gets us into trouble because while we sometimes
win, we also sometimes lose. To respect something, on the other hand, is to
accept it. I enjoy singing and do so quite frequently. As those within
earshot will attest, I'm not very good but I love to sing anyway. The word
acceptance suggests to some readers that our culture does indeed deal with
this idea of self-respect; after all, don't we have the concept that it is
important to accept our limitations? Aren't many of us encouraged "to
change the things we can change; accept the things we cannot change and
know the difference between the two?"
Consider an interesting test of self-respect. If someone compliments us,
what is our reaction? If we are very pleased, it would suggest a certain
amount of uncertainty about our skill. Imagine that somebody whose opinion
we respect told us that we were great at spelling three-letter words, or
that our pronunciation of vowels was wonderful. Chances are we would not be
moved. We know we can do it in the first case, and we don't care in the
second. Because we were not evaluating ourselves, the compliment was
unimportant. The more instances in which we don't "take the compliment,"
the less vulnerable we become to evaluation and insult. Compared to those
with high self-esteem who are still caught in an evaluative framework,
those with self-respect are less prone to blame, guilt, regret, lies,
secrets and stress. Many people worry whether there is life after death.
Just think about it: If we gave up self-evaluation, we could have more life
before death. [Adapted by Ph.D.]
The Bhagavad Gita, as is well-known, deals with all aspects of
life: physical, mental, moral, and spiritual. In this comprehensive scheme,
the first step in our evolution is to develop a well-defined personality.
An average person’s identity or personality is an unstable, bewildering
jumble of the external world, body, and mind. As a result of this inner
disharmony, many people end up living aimless, thoughtless lives. So in
this process of self-discovery, it’s imperative that one develops a strong
character, a distinct unwavering sense of self-identity and purpose. In the
language of the Gita, become manly. ‘Do not yield to unmanliness, O Partha,
it is not worthy of you. [Gita 2:3]’ Have faith in yourself, stand up and
fight the battle of life with firmness of mind, clarity and inner strength.
This step toward becoming autonomous is what Swami Vivekananda calls
manliness, or man-making. That’s why Sri Krishna exhorts Arjuna to be a man
in the true sense of the word. Become a strong person with self-respect,
one who is able to defend his reputation by living up to one’s ideals and
thereby maintain his position in life with assurance and courage. In this
cauldron of man-making, firming up who we really are, the important
instruction Sri Krishna gives to Arjuna is that he should do his duty, his
svadharma. Dharma, in general, is a function of the universal moral order,
rita; it is that which protects and holds us together, nourishing our inner
being. Sva means that which is one’s own. It connotes a feeling of
identity, or ‘myness.’ Svadharma is the law of one’s being, which is
determined by an individual’s inner tendencies, inclinations, or mental
impressions. These tendencies greatly influence our present actions.
Therefore we should live according to our psychological makeup—our bent of
mind, our aptitudes. In short, be yourself; don’t imitate others. Stand on
your own feet. ‘Better is one’s own duty, though imperfect, than the duty
of another, well performed.’ [Gita 18:47]
In the words of Emerson, ‘Imitation is suicide.’ On the basis of your
svadharma, do your duty; what has fallen to your lot. Don’t be attracted or
misled by the duties of others. As someone said, ‘For better or for worse,
you must play your own little instrument in the orchestra of life.’
Ascertainment of what our svadharma is, what we should do, requires the use
of our intrinsic determining and discerning faculty, or buddhi, which lifts
us from a mere mechanical existence. (In Vedanta philosophy, the concept of
mind is comprehensive having four divisions defined by function: weighing
pros and cons, determination, the sense of ‘I-ness,’ and memory. Sometimes
the terms mind and buddhi are used interchangeably.) Our lives should be
governed and determined by a well-trained buddhi. We have the innate
capacity to distinguish between right and wrong, true and false, good and
bad, etc., and on this basis we are relatively free to make intelligent
choices. ‘Far inferior is work (prompted by desire) to work done through
buddhi yoga, O Dhananjaya. Take refuge in the buddhi,’ buddhau
saranamanviccha. [Gita 2:49] Again Sri Krishna says, On those who are ever
devoted to Me and worship Me with love, I bestow the yoga of understanding
[buddhi yoga], by which they come to Me. [Gita 10:10] Solely out of
compassion for them, I, dwelling in their hearts, dispel with the shining
lamp of wisdom the darkness born of ignorance. [Gita 10:11]
It is through the purification, development and assiduous exercise of
the buddhi that self-transformation moves forward. The Gita describes this
process of self-purification or transformation in terms of different
conditions of the mind: tamas, rajas, and sattva. These three gunas are the
constituents of nature, or prakriti, in general and of the mind in
particular. Our understanding and judgment are colored by the gunas which
are characterized by certain qualities: Tamas is marked by darkness,
laziness, dullness; rajas by attachment, pain, passion, restlessness; and
sattva by clarity, luminosity, and healthy-mindedness, prakasakam anamayam.
When sattva becomes predominant, a person feels mentally expansive and
psychologically healthy in spite of the ups and downs in life. As the
sattva quality increases within oneself, the mind by degrees becomes
integrated and well-balanced. The Gita beautifully describes this mental
condition as one that leads to the comprehension of unity in diversity, to
nonattached action, and to freedom from selfishness and passion. The
unillumined, unrefined mind, which is dominated by tamas and rajas,
however, is our greatest enemy. But the same mind can be educated to be our
most reliable friend as well. It is through this friend alone, and through
no other, that we can progress in either secular or spiritual life. We have
to befriend our mind; be a friend to ourselves, not be inimical to or fight
with our self.
Sri Krishna instructed Arjuna, ‘One should raise oneself through the
self . . . for the self alone is one’s friend and the self alone is one’s
enemy.’ [Gita 6:5] Self-transformation means attenuating tamas and rajas
and increasing the proportion of sattva. When sattva prevails, the mind
becomes more transparent and one experiences an enhanced sense of
well-being, vitality, and strength. Swami Vivekananda spoke frequently
about the necessity of strength. ‘The sign of vigor, the sign of life, the
sign of hope, the sign of health, the sign of everything that is good is
strength.’[Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda, 6:2] There is a striking
parallel between the Bhagavad Gita’s description of a sattvic mind and
positive mental health according to psychologist Marie Jahoda. In her
article, Criteria for Positive Mental Health, she lists six indicators of a
mentally healthy attitude toward self.
1. Self-acceptance: Self-acceptance is a realistic perception of oneself,
including awareness of one’s pluses and minuses. This assessment of oneself
fosters independent thinking and self-confidence.
2. Self-actualization:Self-actualization is the actual process of an
individual’s growth or becoming based on certain concepts of what one
wishes to be and the subsequent striving to unfold one’s inner potential.
Eric Fromm elaborates this idea further, ‘Virtue is the unfolding of the
specific potentialities of every organism; for man it is the state in which
he is most human.’
3. Integration of personality:‘Integration refers to the relatedness of all
processes and attributes in an individual.’ But it also implies that the
individual is aware of a unifying principle underlying his personality,
which broadens his outlook on life.
4. Autonomy: Autonomy or self-determination connotes an individual’s
ability to deal independently with a variety of environmental factors.
5. Perception of Reality:Perception is considered healthy when it
corresponds to what is actually there.
6. Environmental Mastery:Environmental mastery indicates that an individual
can readily adapt and adjust to circumstances appropriate to the need or
occasion. Thus sattva is healthy-mindedness which is needed not only in
ordinary life, but is a sine qua non for the unfoldment of self. A healthy
mind is a friendly mind.
As one matures, one’s awareness of oneself and the outside world
expands. Then we will recognize that we are not isolated, separate beings,
but in truth are related to one another. In addition to this, gradually we
become aware, though indistinctly at first, of a higher power that is
guiding and coordinating our lives. We may call it our higher Self or God.
Whatever it is, we become conscious of two entities, as it were, within
ourselves—the lower self and the higher Self, the apparent and the real
man. As our insight deepens, we will feel progressively an inseparable
connection between these two.
‘Established in yoga, O Dhananjaya (Arjuna), perform actions, giving
up attachment and remaining even-minded both in success and in failure.
This equanimity is called yoga.’ [Gita 2:48] ‘Regarding alike pleasure and
pain, gain and loss, success and defeat, prepare yourself for battle.’
[Gita 2:38] ‘Even here is the relative existence conquered by them whose
mind rests in equality.’ [Gita 5:19]. ‘The man whose mind is absorbed
through yoga and who sees the same (Brahman) everywhere, sees the Self in
all beings and all beings in the Self.’ [Gita 6:29] ‘He who sees Me
everywhere and sees all things in Me, does not lose sight of Me, nor do I
of him.’ [Gita 6:30] ‘He who worships Me residing in all beings in a spirit
of unity, becomes a yogi and, whatever his mode of life, lives in Me.’
[Gita 6:31] ‘He who by comparison with himself looks upon the pleasure and
pain in all creatures as similar—the yogi, O Arjuna is considered the
best.’ [Gita 6:32] ‘Restraining all the senses, the self-controlled one
should sit meditating on Me. Verily, his wisdom is steady whose senses are
under control.’ [Gita 2:61] ‘Endowed with a pure understanding, restraining
the mind with tenacity, turning away from sound and other objects, and
abandoning love and hatred.’ [Gita 18:51] ‘Dwelling in solitude . . . in
speech, body and mind, ever engaged in the yoga of contemplation, and
cultivating dispassion.’ [Gita 18:52]
Self-realization is really our svadharma, which is living in the
Indwelling Self or God, whose dharma or essential nature is purity,
freedom, wisdom, love and bliss. Through such action attachment is
gradually erased and one’s innate freedom manifests. Men of selfless
action, giving up attachment, perform action through the body, mind,
intellect, and senses, for the purification of the mind. [Gita 5:11] To
work alone you have the right, but never to its fruits. Never let your
motive be the fruit of action, nor be attached to inaction. [Gita 2:47]
Giving up attachment to the fruit of action, ever content, and dependent on
none, though engaged in work, he does no work at all. [Gita 4:20]
Non-envious, friendly, and compassionate toward all beings, free from ideas
of possession and ego-consciousness, sympathetic in pain and pleasure,
forgiving, always contented . . . with his mind and intellect dedicated to
Me. [Gita 12:13—14:12—13-14] Alike to foe and friend, unaltered in honor
and dishonor [Gita 12:19]. They who worship the imperishable . . .
all-pervading . . . immovable, and eternal, having controlled their senses,
even-minded under all conditions and devoted to the welfare of all beings,
attain Me alone [Gita: 12:3-4].
The Gita concludes, as it were, with yet another salient practice for
self-transformation: Offering all activities to the Supreme, which
culminates in complete self-dedication, wherein we give ourselves to God.
Thus transformed we will become God-centered. The small self loses its
smallness and the true Self emerges in all its glory. Whatever you do, or
eat, or sacrifice, or give, whatever austerity you perform, that, O son of
Kunti, offer unto Me. [Gita 9:27] By worshiping Him through the performance
of duty does a man attain perfection. [Gita 18:46] This divine illusion of
Mine, consisting of the gunas, is indeed hard to overcome. But those who
take refuge in Me alone, shall cross over this maya. [Gita 7:14]
Surrendering, in thought, all actions to Me, regarding Me as the supreme
goal, and practicing steadiness of mind, fix your heart constantly on Me.
[Gita 18:57] He who performs actions dedicating them to the Lord and giving
up attachment, is untainted by sin, as a lotus leaf by water. [Gita 5:10]
Giving up all duties, take refuge in Me alone. I will liberate you from all
sins, do not grieve. [Gita 9:30]
The Gita’s message for self-transformation is this integrated
self-unfoldment. Thus we see self-transformation comes through
self-purification. Self-purification leads to self-dedication. The acme of
self-dedication is Self-realization.
K Rajaram IRS 211025
On Tue, 21 Oct 2025 at 05:52, Markendeya Yeddanapudi <
[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
> --
> *Mar*Feeling Guilty as Duty
>
>
>
> Self esteem, self respect, self pride and the sense of achievement among
> the people are very dangerous for those who want to oppress. A civilization
> that makes the people respect each other that really appreciate each other
> is a free society. Such a society cannot tolerate a political leader that
> offers protection that offers to distribute away freely the tax collected,
> without the responsibility of creating livelihoods. He is offering the
> opportunity to loot the public money and distribute it.
>
> And of course he salts away clandestinely a major portion of the tax
> collected. This person is called the VVVIP.
>
> A VVIP is an obscenity. A VVIP, who is just a politician, is the ultimate
> stigma of that society. He/She may need physical protection by police, but
> that does not make the person more important and great.
>
> He needs all to feel guilty and grateful, beholden to him. Before 1864,
> the church was used to create the feeling of Guilt among the black slaves
> in the USA.The priests told the slaves that God wanted them to be slaves
> and that it was a great sin to think of freedom.
>
> Politics in India has become a Guilt Industry. The VVIP tells that he is
> freely distributing away the public money and so the people must feel
> guilty and show obedience out of that sheer gratefulness.
>
> I don’t want to write more about these horrible characters who demand that
> you have no self esteem and self respect.
>
> YM Sarma
>
>
>
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>
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