A research paper on men crying KR IRS 23525
Gender differences in crying: Empirical evidence
We traced 14 studies in the literature in which the relationship between
sex and any aspect of adult crying was investigated. In addition, questions
have been asked about the reasons for crying and the effects of crying on
mood. As was argued above, sex differences in actual crying behavior might
well be determined by two factors: differences in crying proneness and
differences in the actual situations that men and women are confronted with
in their daily lives (or that they successfully seek or avoid).
A quick look at the listed studies reveals that the methodology, i.e. the
questions that were asked and their exact wording, as well as the length of
the time period that the subjects had to describe, substantially differs
among the reported studies. In addition, the composition of the study
samples shows considerable variation in age, background, and the
relationship between male and female participants. These different methods
and subject samples may partly account for some of the seemingly
contradictory results in the table, for instance on crying duration.
Despite this variety, however, we can safely conclude that women report a
greater propensity to cry, a greater actual crying frequency and periods
that need further exploration. To give an indication of how large the sex
difference in crying frequency really is, we would like to refer to
Frey et al. (1983). To date only they have collected data of men (45) and women
(286), who kept records of both irritant and emotional crying during a 30
day period. Leaving out those who gave evidence of any psychiatric illness,
their results showed a mean crying frequency of 5.3_0.3 episodes per month
for normal women and of 1.4_0.4 episodes per month for normal men (the
modes were 3 and 0 respectively).
Some investigators (e.g., Bindra, 1972; Vingerhoets & Becht, 1996, see table
7.1) provided evidence on the reasons why men and women cry. It appeared
that men cry relatively more often in positively appraised situations and
in loss situations, whereas women cry more frequently in conflict
situations. In addition, Buss (1992) showed that women tend to use crying
more frequently as a way to manipulate others than domen.
*Explaining gender differences in crying*
The assumption of a close association between crying and coping potential is
crucial for the present purpose, because there is a large body of evidence
on sex differences in coping that may be helpful to gain a better understanding
of sex differences in crying. Although there are notable exceptions, the
general picture that emerges is that women are more inclined to
emotion-focused coping and seeking emotional support in comparison with
men, who instead favor problem-focused coping strategies (Ptacek, Smith, &
Dodge, 1994; Vingerhoets & Van Heck, 1990).
Women also feel helpless and powerless more often, not in the least
when angry (Crawford, Kippax, Onyx, Gault, & Benton, 1992). Crying
thus seems to fulfil the coping functions that women generally apply
and attach much value to. Of further interest is the methodology used
to establish whether men and women indeed differ in the type of coping
strategies they use. According to Lazarus’ (1991) stress model, the
nature of coping at least partly depends on the nature of the stressor and
the way the stressor is appraised. Therefore, it is important to know
more about differences in the kind of stressors men and women are
confronted with, as well as about the way they perceive stressors.
Ptacek, Smith, and Zanas (1992) mention two hypotheses that have
guided research on sex differences in coping: the *socialization *hypothesis
and the *structural *hypothesis. The socialization hypothesis states that
boys and girls are socialized to deal with stressful events in different
ways. Because of gender role expectations, boys learn to deal with
stressors in an instrumental way, whereas girls are encouraged to express
their emotions and to seek social support. The structural hypothesis, in
contrast, holds that sex differences in coping can be attributed to
differences in the type of stressful situations that men and women
typically
encounter. Although at first glance it might be reasonable to apply both
the socialization and the structural hypotheses to crying (e.g., Blier &
Blier-Wilson, 1989; Brody, 1985), we have serious doubts concerning the
implied distinction between the two hypotheses, because it fails to
recognize that men and women also may “learn” to seek and to avoid certain
situations, as may be evidenced, among other things, by differences in
career choice. Since we further believe that there are good reasons to
evaluate the possible *biological basis *of sex differences in
crying, we will limit the discussion of possible explanations of these
differences to the socialization hypothesis and biological aspects. It is
interesting to note that biological factors are also considered to be
potentially relevant to explain sex differences in depression (Halbreich &
Lumley, 1993; Harris, Surtees, & Bancroft, 1991; Nolen-Hoeksema & Girgus,
1994). In our view, the intrinsic links between depressive mood and
psychological
states related to crying such as sadness, helplessness, and despair,
justify the attention for factors relevant for the development of
depression.
Sex differences in crying might also be explained from an evolutionary
point of view. It could be speculated that the main tasks of our male
ancestors were hunting and the defense of their tribe. Showing weakness
under such circumstances may have been dangerous, not only for
themselves, but also for the women, who may have felt unprotected and
insecure.
*Preliminary model of adult crying*
In an attempt to obtain more insight into the precise nature of the sex
differences in crying, we base ourselves on a preliminary model of adult
crying (see figure 7.1) that was derived from emotion and stress models.
The model distinguishes between (1) objective situations; (2)
(re-)appraisal, resulting in a subjective internal representation of the
situations, such as loss, personal inadequacy, conflict, etc.; (3) an
emotional response. Together with (4) moderating variables (both personal
and situational factors), these exposure and appraisal variables
determine whether
or not a crying response will occur. By analogy with the previously described
structural hypothesis, we assume that differences in crying behavior
between men and women may – at least partly – result from differences in
each of these components of the model. To make this clear, we will briefly
review the literature with respect to sex differences for each of these
components.
Several studies have focused on the issue of whether men and women
differ in the quality or quantity of stressful conditions they encounter.
These studies, however, have yielded inconsistent results, which may
partly be explained by the specific nature of the stressors under
investigation.
For example, there is evidence that women (and girls) face more
negative events like sexual abuse which may have dramatic long-term
effects. They may also meet other parental and peer expectations than
men and boys (Cutler & Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991; Nolen-Hoeksema,
1994). In addition, it has been shown that women – due to their higher
empathic capabilities and their greater emotional involvement in the
lives of their intimates (Eisenberg & Lennon, 1983; Kessler & McLeod,
1984; Turner & Avison, 1989) – are more sensitive to events occurring to
others. Women further report more stressors related to health and the
family, whereas men experience more job-related stressors and miscellaneous
problems (Porter & Stone, 1995). Recent not-yet-published data from our own
group revealed that women more than men reported to
have been exposed to situations and feelings that were identified as very
likely to induce crying.
There is thus at least some evidence that women experience different
stressors than do men. Crucial, however, is whether this also holds for
events that elicit crying. It seems reasonable to assume that events like
the death of intimates are experienced by men and women with a
similar frequency. However, one might argue that women’s stronger
empathic skills and their more intimate relationships with other
women, make women also more liable to cry for events occurring to
their intimates or even to people more distant from them. In addition,
there is some evidence suggesting that women may be more prone – and even
enjoy – to watch sad television programs and films and read books with high
emotional contents (cf. Tellegen, unpublished data; Van der Bolt &
Tellegen, 1995–1996). Frey (1985) indicated that the media are an
important trigger of shedding tears. Table 7.1 (see “Reasons for
actual crying”)
reveals that only few studies to date reported data on this topic.
Men and women may thus differ both in the type of situations that they
are passively exposed to, as well as in the type of situations that they
deliberately seek or avoid. Additional research is needed to establish
this difference more definitely.
*Gender differences in appraisal*
Gillespie and Eisler (1992) have identified stressors related to gender
role, which are perceived as more stressful by women than by men.
These include fear of unemotional relationships, fear of being unattractive,
fear of victimization, fear of behaving assertively, and fear of not
being nurturant. In addition, Eisler and Skidmore (1987) devised an
inventory of masculine gender role stressors. They found that men perceived
physical inadequacy, emotional expressiveness, subordination
to women, intellectual inferiority, and performance failure as more
threatening than women.
Fischer, Manstead, and Scheepers (in preparation) used vignettes in
order to study sex differences in appraisal and crying. They found that
powerlessness and a negative self-image were more important for
female participants than for men. Applying multiple regression analysis
with crying as the dependent variable and appraised powerlessness
and social norms as predictors revealed that for women
powerlessness was the single main predictor, whereas for men powerlessness
and social norms were significant predictors.
There is further evidence that women generally appraise stressful life
events as having greater impact on their lives and that women need
more time to recover compared to men (Jorgensen & Johnson, 1990).
Similar results were obtained in a study on the appraisal of the conflict
environment in Northern Ireland by 8 to 11 years old boys and girls
(Muldoon & Trew, 1995). On the other hand, there are also indications
that in the case of severe events such as the loss of one’s spouse, no sex
differences in appraisal emerge (e.g., Gass, 1988).
*Gender differences in emotional response*
Differences in appraisal may not only affect the emotional response to
the event, but also the psychophysiological reaction. For example, Lash,
Eisler, and Southard (1995) presented some evidence that cardiovascu-lar
responses to the cold pressor test depend on the appraised gender
relevance of the stressor. The manipulation of gender relevance was
achieved by varying the instructions, suggesting a relationship between
the ability to keep one’s hands in the ice-water and maternal and social
bonding in the “female” version, whereas in the “male” version an
association
with testosterone was suggested, which is important in physical
coping and good performance. The results partly supported the predictions
that men showed higher reactivity when having received the
“male” version of the instruction, whereas female participants
responded more strongly in the “female” condition. Needless to say
that, also in this case, the possible different appraisal of specific
cryinginducing
events is most crucial. Unfortunately, we do not know of any
studies addressing this issue directly.
A final and important question refers to the quality and/or intensity
of emotional responses, in particular when identical stressors have been
appraised similarly by both sexes. Women have been found to be more
prone than men to react to stressful events with helplessness and
depression (Nolen-Hoeksema & Girgus, 1994), just as there is empirical
support for women preferring emotion-focused coping strategies (e.g.,
Ptacek, Smith, & Dodge, 1994; Vingerhoets & Van Heck, 1990).
However, there is little empirical evidence that men and women differ
in coping when stressor and appraisal do not differ. An exception is the
study by Ptacek et al. (1994), who examined the appraisal and (preparatory)
coping reactions in relation to a laboratory lecturing task. These
investigators demonstrated that women reported seeking social
support and using emotion-focused coping to a greater extent than men
in a similar situation, which had also been appraised identically by both
sexes. The authors interpreted these results as consistent with the notion
that men and women are socialized to cope with stressors in different
ways. It is not clear, however, to what extent the results of this single
study with a specific laboratory stressor, which has doubtful ecological
validity, can be generalized and extrapolated to real life stressors.
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K Rajaram IRS 23525
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இராமாயணம் - திருவடி சூட்டு படலம் (9) - அழுத இராமன்
*தமிழ்நாயகம் *
குடும்பம் என்றால் எப்போதும் சந்தோஷம் மட்டும்தான் இருக்கும் என்று சொல்ல
முடியாது. வருத்தம் இருக்கும், சோகம் இருக்கும், கவலை இருக்கும். அப்படி ஒரு
வருத்தமான சூழ்நிலை வரும்போது என்ன செய்ய வேண்டும்? என்ன செய்கிறோம் ?
வருத்தம் பிள்ளைகளைத் தாக்கி விடக் கூடாது என்று அவர்களிடம் இருந்து
மறைக்கிறோம். பிள்ளைகள் சந்தோஷமாக இருக்கட்டும், நம்ம கஷ்டம் நம்மோடு
போகட்டும் என்று நினைக்கிறோம்.
குடும்பத் தலைவன் அழலாமா? அதுவும் மனைவியின் முன்னால் , பிள்ளைகள் முன்னால்?
அழுவது என்பது ஒரு பலவீனத்தின் வெளிப்பாடு அல்லவா?
வருத்தத்தை விடுவோம். கணவன் செய்து விடுகிறான். அதனால் மனைவிக்கு வருத்தம்.
கணவன் அதை உணர்கிறான். அவளிடம் மன்னிப்பு கேட்க அவன் மனம் இடம் தர மறுக்கிறது.
"என்னை மன்னித்துக் கொள் , நான் தவறு செய்துவிட்டேன் ...உன்னை ரொம்ப கஷ்டப்
படுத்திவிட்டேன் ..இனிமேல் இப்படி நடக்காது " என்று அவள் கையை பிடித்துக்
கொண்டு கண் கலங்கி சொல்லும் கணவன்கள் எத்தனை பேர் இருக்கிறார்கள்?
ஆண் என்பவன் அழக் கூடாது என்று சொல்லியே வளர்க்கிறோம். உணர்ச்சிகளை
வெளிப்படுத்த முடியாமல் ஆண் குழம்புகிறான். தவிக்கிறான். அடக்கப்பட்ட
உணர்ச்சிகள் வேறு வழியில் வெளிப்படுகிறது.
இராமனைக் காண வந்த பரதனின் மெலிந்த உருவைக் கண்ட இராமன் வருந்தி அழுகிறான்.
ஐயோ! என் தம்பி இப்படி மெலிந்து உருக் குலைந்து போய்விட்டானே என்று
உருகுகிறான்.
காப்பிய நாயகன். மிக வலிமையான இராமன், அன்பில், காதலில் உருகுகிறான். கண்ணில்
இருந்து கண்ணீர் வழிகிறது.
அன்பிற்கும் உண்டோ அடைக்கும் தாழ் ஆர்வலர் புன்கணீர் பூசல் தரும் என்பார்
வள்ளுவர்.
அளவு கடந்த அன்பினால், இராமன் கண்கள் நீரை வார்க்கின்றன.
பாடல்
*‘உண்டுகொல் உயிர்?’ என ஒடுங்கினான் உருக்கண்டனன்; நின்றனன் - கண்ணன் கண்
எனும்புண்டரீகம் பொழி புனல், அவன் சடாமண்டலம் நிறைந்து போய் வழிந்து சோரவே.*
பொருள்: உயிர் இருக்கிறதா? பரதனின் உடலில் உயிர் இருக்கிறதா என்று
சந்தேகப்படும் அளவுக்கு மெலிந்த பரதனின் உருவத்தை இராமன் கண்டான்; திகைத்து
நின்றான். அழகிய கண்களைக் கொண்ட இராமனின் தாமரை மலர்கள் போன்ற
கண்களிலிருந்து அருவி போல பெருகிய நீர் பரதனின் முடி நிறைந்த தலையின் மேல்
நிறைந்து வழிந்து விழுந்தது .
இராமன் கால்களில் பரதன் விழுந்தான் என்று முந்தைய பாடலில் பார்த்தோம். அப்படி
விழுந்த பரதனின் தலையில் இராமனின் கண்ணில் இருந்து வழிந்த நீர் விழுந்து
நனைத்தது.
ஆண் அழுவது தவறு இல்லை. ஆண் அன்பை வெளிப்படுத்துவது தவறு இல்லை. இராமன்
அழுதான் என்பதால் அவன் வீரமோ, பெருமையோ குறைந்து விடவில்லை. அது இன்னும்
பொலிவு பெறுகிறது. பரதன் அழுகிறான். இராமன் அழுகிறான்.
ஆண் பிள்ளைகள் அழுவதை பரிகாசம் பண்ணி, அதை அடக்கி அடக்கி அவர்களை
முரட்டுப் பிள்ளைகளாக வளர்க்கிறோம். அவர்களுக்குள்ளும் அன்பு இருக்கிறது.
அந்த அன்பு வெளிப்படும்போது கண்ணீர் வரும். கண்ணீர் விடப் பழக்கம் இல்லை
என்றால் அன்பை வெளிப்படுத்துவதற்கும் பழக்கம் இல்லாமல் முரடாக, கரடு முரடாக
வளர்வார்கள்.
அதிகாரம் செய்வதும் , மிரட்டுவதும் மட்டும்தான் ஆண்மை என்று நினைத்துக்கொண்டு
வளர்வார்கள். அது சரியா ?
சிந்திப்போம்.
*-- தமிழ்நாயகம் *
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*சித்தானந்தம் *
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