COMPARISON THE PROS AND THE CONS
While it is natural to compare ourselves to others, social comparison
theory suggests that this behaviour is driven by a desire to understand
ourselves better, determine if our skills are good enough, and decide what
we want to achieve. Research indicates that social comparison involves a
drive to improve and enhance ourselves.
There are two forms of social comparison: upward comparison and
downward comparison. Comparing ourselves to those we perceive as doing
better than us can motivate us, set new goals, and raise our competitive
spirit. However, it can also lead to feelings of failure, low self-esteem,
unrealistic standards, grandiosity, or even delusions.
Comparing ourselves to those whose lives are less advanced than
ours can improve our confidence, increase our sense of gratitude and hope,
and leave us feeling better about our situation.
However, it can also cause us to lose motivation, be dishonest with
ourselves about our own suffering, and avoid seeking the help we really
need.
Our self-esteem can be impacted by social comparison, and the effects
depend on our confidence level. If we are in a state of self-worth,
comparing ourselves upwards can motivate us and serve us better than
comparing downwards. However, if we are not feeling great about ourselves,
comparing ourselves to others lowers our self-esteem even more and is best
avoided.
Social media can exacerbate social comparison issues, as we tend to use
it when we are feeling vulnerable and compare ourselves not just upwards
but also to carefully manipulated illusions. To make our moments of social
comparison less psychologically draining, we can limit social media time,
learn the habit of balance, practice gratitude, use comparison for better
perspective only, and compare ourselves to ourselves by seeing how far
we've come.
Self-comparison can also be a sign of dealing with mental health
issues, including depression and ADHD.
Those who are sensitive, have high empathy, low self-esteem, or are
neurotic or narcissistic are more likely to self-compare.
Comparing oneself to easily achievable goals can be helpful, but
comparing oneself to things that are very out of reach can send moods
spiralling.
Mental health issues can spiral out of control for various reasons. One
common reason is when an individual fails to recognise the early signs of
mental health problems or ignores them altogether. For example, someone who
is feeling consistently low or anxious may attribute these feelings to
temporary stressors rather than acknowledging that they may be symptoms of
an underlying mental health condition.
Another reason is the stigma associated with mental health. Many people
may feel ashamed or embarrassed to seek help for their mental health issues
or may be reluctant to discuss their struggles with others. This can cause
them to delay seeking treatment, which can lead to the worsening of their
symptoms and make recovery more challenging.
Additionally, inadequate or inappropriate treatment can also cause
mental health issues to spiral out of control. If an individual receives a
misdiagnosis or does not receive appropriate treatment for their specific
condition, their symptoms may persist or worsen over time.
Lack of access to mental health resources can also contribute to the
escalation of mental health issues. This may be due to financial
constraints, lack of insurance coverage, or geographic barriers that limit
access to mental health professionals and resources.
Lastly, untreated or poorly managed mental health issues can lead to
self-medicating behaviour such as drug or alcohol abuse. This can
exacerbate mental health symptoms and lead to a cycle of addiction and
worsening mental health.
Early recognition, seeking appropriate treatment, addressing stigma, and
ensuring access to mental health resources are crucial to preventing mental
health issues from spiralling out of control.
Overall, social comparison is a natural behaviour that can motivate us
and help us improve ourselves, but it can also have negative impacts on our
self-esteem and mental health. By understanding the different forms of
social comparison and learning how to use it productively, we can lessen
the negative effects and improve our overall well-being
Pros of Comparison
Propels us toward excellence. When we observe excellence, we have the
opportunity to move closer toward excellence ourselves. Whether we see an
individual achieving their goals or an organization succeeding, we gather
information about what’s working. By expanding our frame of reference and
applying what we learn from this observation, we make progress toward our
personal and professional goals.
We see what’s possible. Organizations that thought remote work was
possible were in the minority heading into 2020. The year of forced
adaptation opened our eyes to new ways of working and living. By learning
from organizations that were already doing it, companies shifted quickly to
a new workplace and benefited from one of the pros of comparison. As one of
the pros of comparison, seeing new possibilities brought us through a
difficult year in work and life.
Motivates us to grow. It’s easy to get stuck in our same patterns of
behavior and dial in the status quo. When we see others who are changing,
whether it’s in their physical, emotional, social, or financial wellbeing,
we sense that own possibility lurking inside of us, too. One of the pros of
comparison is the ability to tap into motivation we might not have on our
own when we harness the power of community to move toward our preferred
future.
We build empathy. Comparing our life to the life of someone else can be
a powerful opportunity for gratitude. As the pandemic impacted people
across the world, we had a unique opportunity to view life through a global
lens. While some people may have fared better than you, others did not. By
comparing how we made our way through this individually and corporately, we
built our empathy and gratitude muscles.
Cons of Comparison
Creates division. One of the biggest cons of comparison is the
division it can create when we allow it to seep into our experiences. When
we look for ways we are different, we invite jealousy, envy, anger, and
discontent to settle in. We fall prey to an us vs them mentality and create
division instead of unity. Comparison robs us of reconciliation.
Poor self-esteem. Social media is a breeding ground for comparison.
FOMO leads to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues when we
become discontent with our own life compared to someone else’s. We mentally
beat ourselves up and put ourselves down. As one of the leading cons of
comparison, it’s important to use social media positively.
Leads to arrogance and pride. On the flip side of comparison creating
poor self-esteem, it can also lead to an overinflated ego. If you find
yourself putting others down, whether it’s in your own mind or with your
words, you may be struggling with this con of comparison. Notice your
thoughts when you look around the room and recognize when your ego is
getting the best of you.
Giving up. Discouragement can quickly settle in when we don’t
perform as well as we’d like. We tell ourselves that we’ll never live up to
our own standards or someone else’s expectations. This self-defeating
behavior is common with comparison and its impact is something to be aware
of if you find yourself not accomplishing the things you’d like or not
becoming the person you’d like to be.
This short list of the pros and cons of comparison provides insight on how
to be more mindful of comparison’s role in your life. Make necessary
adjustments so that you can harness it’s positive impact on your wellbeing.
The two directions of social comparison
The release of Festinger's social comparison theory spurred new research
into social comparison over the next several decades. Much of this research
was concerned with the direction of social comparison, a concept that
Festinger describes only briefly. Studies eventually split social
comparison into two directions: upward and downward.
Upward social comparison
Upward social comparison refers to how individuals evaluate themselves
against those they perceive as superior in a particular area. Upward
comparisons closely align with Festinger's theory of human drive for
accurate self-evaluation as described in his original social comparison
theory. In the early days of social comparison research, upward comparisons
were thought to usually result in negative self-evaluations and lowered
self-esteem.
However, more recent research indicates that the relationship between
upward comparisons and self-evaluations is more complicated. In some cases,
upward comparisons can increase self-esteem and may even serve an important
motivational function. However, research also confirms the original
hypothesis that upward comparisons can lead to lower self-appraisal and
feelings of cognitive dissonance in some cases.
Downward social comparison
Downward social comparison refers to the processes by which individuals
evaluate themselves against those they perceive to be inferior in a
particular area. If one compares themselves to another and finds themselves
to be superior, they may feel a distinct sense of superiority, which can
increase self-esteem and bolster self-worth. Because of this, early social
comparison research considered downward social comparisons to be
protective, as they were thought to occur primarily when a person was in
psychological distress.
However, as with upward comparisons, later research revealed more
nuance and complexity than was initially understood. In many circumstances,
downward comparisons work as described: Individuals who feel threatened in
a particular dimension may use downward comparison to make themselves feel
better about their evaluation in that dimension. In other cases, however,
downward comparison can worsen psychological distress by reminding the
individual that things could get worse, or by making them feel guilty for
judging themselves as superior over another person.
Social comparisons, similarity, and self-esteem
Based on the research described above, it’s clear that social comparison
can have both advantages and disadvantages. If that’s the case, what
factors determine whether a social comparison will be advantageous? Over
the last several decades, researchers have offered some insight into this
question. Two discoveries have been of particular importance: the idea that
both similarity and self-esteem seem to influence how a social comparison
impacts a person's self-evaluation.
The role of similarity
Festinger's original social comparison theory proposed that individuals
were more likely to compare themselves to others that they felt similar to
in the domain being compared. While research has generally supported that
conclusion, more recent studies have drawn other conclusions that paint a
more complete picture of how this seems to work.
In the 1990s, researchers investigated the role of social comparison theory
among those undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The research team
expected that, in accordance with social comparison theory, the patients
would prefer to compare themselves with other cancer patients in worse
condition than themselves, a downward comparison which—in theory—would
bolster their own well-being.
The results of the study contradicted the researcher's expectations. They
indicated that upward comparisons—or comparisons to other patients with
less severe forms of the illness—produced more psychological benefit than
downward comparisons. In fact, downward comparisons— comparisons to other
patients with more severe health concerns—were less desired by the
individuals and more likely to produce psychological distress.
In the above study as well as in later studies, it was discovered that
upward comparisons were more likely to produce a positive effect when
people compared themselves to individuals with whom they considered
themselves very similar. The cancer patients preferred to see themselves as
similar to those who were healthier and viewed themselves as dissimilar to
those experiencing more significant health concerns.
The role of self-esteem
As mentioned above, one of the most significant disadvantages of social
comparisons is their ability to lower self-esteem. Early research into
social comparisons initially considered upward comparisons as those which
reduce self-worth and downward comparisons as those which increase it.
However, contemporary research suggests that the level of self-esteem a
person has before making a social comparison can affect the comparison's
impact.
Those with high self-esteem are more likely to consider themselves
favorably and find more in common with those they consider superior when
making upward comparisons. They are also likely to make fewer upward
comparisons overall. Conversely, those with low-self esteem tend to make
more upward comparisons and are more likely to experience negative impacts
from them.
High self-esteem may serve a protective function that allows individuals to
make social comparisons that promote growth and self-improvement. It may
also make it more likely that individuals will consider themselves to be
similar to those they’re comparing themselves to when making upward
comparisons, and dissimilar when making downward comparisons.
Managing the disadvantages of social comparison
Based on contemporary research, one of the best ways to avoid the
disadvantages of social comparison is to maintain high self-esteem. Of
course, the most straightforward way to prevent the negative impacts of
social comparison is to avoid comparisons altogether, but that’s often not
possible. Researchers believe that social comparisons are often automatic
and likely serve a valuable purpose in some cases. So while consciously
minimizing the number of social comparisons a person makes is likely a good
step toward reducing their impact, improving self-esteem is more likely to
be helpful when it comes to our largely unconscious, automatic comparisons.
Here are a few tips for increasing your self-esteem:
Speak positively about yourself. Negative self-talk, or frequently
diminishing your own accomplishments and putting yourself down, seems to
significantly lower self-esteem. Instead, you might try to recognize and
articulate your own positive traits and speak to yourself with kindness and
compassion, as you would a close friend.
Start a positivity journal. When you receive compliments or accomplish
something you’re proud of, you might consider writing this down in a
dedicated journal. Then, whenever you’re feeling down about yourself, you
can look back at these reasons to adopt a kinder, more positive view of who
you are and what you’ve achieved.
Adopt a growth mindset. A growth mindset accepts the reality of failure and
sees it as necessary for success. Viewing your failures as an inevitable
part of growth may help mitigate the harmful effects of social comparisons.
For example, it may help you adopt the view that while you might not yet be
at the level you want to be, you’re well on your way to reaching your goal.
Be thoughtful about social media use. As usage of social media has
increased, so have examinations of its effects on self-esteem. For example,
one paper on the topic from 2020 reports that these platforms encourage
unhelpful social comparison, since users tend to present idealistic
versions of themselves there. So as you might imagine, comparing your real
self and life to a version of someone else’s that’s been distorted and
isn’t actually real can be detrimental. Limiting social media use and
thinking critically about what you see there may help.
How therapy may help
Another method you might try for increasing self-esteem is attending
therapy. With a modality like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in
particular, a counselor can help you learn to recognize distorted and
untrue thoughts about yourself and learn to replace them with more
realistic, compassionate, and positive ones. If you’re experiencing
symptoms of anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition as a
result of harmful social comparison, they can help you address these as
well.
If attending in-person sessions with a therapist is inconvenient or
uncomfortable for you, you might consider online therapy instead. With a
platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who
you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the
comfort of home. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective
as traditional in-person therapy in many cases, so you can generally feel
comfortable with whichever platform works best for you.
Takeaway
Social comparisons are a normal part of interacting with others.
Researchers believe that they may even play a valuable role in helping a
person adapt to their surroundings. However, when these comparisons become
too frequent or extreme, they can negatively impact self-esteem and overall
well-being. Consciously limiting the tendency to make comparisons and
utilizing strategies for building self-esteem may help. If you’re looking
for support in this area, you might consider meeting with a therapist.
Thus `because there is going to be a Hitler we sgould remember that there
will be a Churchill too to quell him. How we chid someone depends on the
maleigh qwe do apply or love we crean over. K
Rajaram IRS 24924
On Tue, 24 Sept 2024 at 06:59, Markendeya Yeddanapudi <
[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
> --
> *Mar**Meha Sharma <http://www.huffingtonpost.in/meha-sharma/>*
>
> *5 Reasons Why You Should Never Compare Your Kids with Others*
>
> *Posted: 04/12/2015 10:03 IST Updated: 4 hours ago*
>
> *Comparison is the death of joy - Mark Twain*
>
> *The words cruise out of our mouths inadvertently. "Look at him/her, she
> is so much better than you" or "Why can't you be more like him/her?". Why
> do we compare our children with others? As much as we want to refrain from
> it, we end up doing it. Is it an inevitable human trait or can we resist
> the impulse if we try?*
>
> *Well, "comparison" is counter-productive for anyone. But it is all the
> more debasing for children. Children are tender beings and they do not take
> too well to negative criticism. And if the criticism involves telling them
> how others are better than they are in some way, then it is all the more
> painful. This does not mean that we shouldn't point out their mistakes and
> help them improve, but anything beyond this is overkill.*
>
> *Every child is different. In the present age, where competition has
> spread its tentacles in every walk of life, it is crucial to teach our kids
> to be grounded. And comparing them at each step will just not help. They
> should be taught to better themselves with each day, not to be better than
> their counterparts.*
>
> *"To constantly harangue them about how much better others are will do
> nothing but lay the foundation for an inferiority complex."*
>
> *It is natural to want to know where our children stand amidst others, in
> this world of ranks and percentages and where everyone is bidding for that
> coveted seat in a top school or university. But to constantly harangue them
> about how much better others are will do nothing but lay the foundation for
> an inferiority complex. Here are some reasons why we should not compare our
> children with others.*
>
> *1. It will cause self-doubt*
>
> *If we are told by someone that we are not good at something and that
> there are others out there who are excel at it, slowly but steadily
> self-doubt will grow. Our children will be left wondering if they can ever
> be good enough. Our job as parents is to encourage them at every step they
> take, not remind them of who else is ahead.*
>
> *2. Jealousy will take root*
>
> *If you keep comparing your child with an apparent paragon of virtue, he
> or she may begin to suffer from pangs of extreme jealousy. It can be a
> neighbourhood kid, a classmate, a cousin and so on. Jealousy is not a very
> healthy feeling to harbour and the poor child will be tormented by jealousy
> which could all to easily turn into hatred, and perhaps even aggression.*
>
> *3. It will breed negativity*
>
> *When others are always being built up and the child torn down, he or she
> could become negative - why even try if you can never measure up, after
> all? Rather than embracing new tasks and challenges with a positive spirit,
> the child's assumptions about himself and the outcomes of what he or she
> does will be negative. Negativity is not at all good for a person's well
> being. We all want to raise children who are positive and who spread
> happiness around.*
>
> *4. It will damage the parent-child relationship*
>
> *If you tell your child time and again that the neighbour's kid is better
> than her, she will eventually start despising you. Children are emotionally
> vulnerable. They may not be able to see the bigger picture and that you are
> concerned for them. Instead, they will feel that you are not on their side.*
>
> *5. They will grow into jittery and nervous adults*
>
> *Parents who compare their kids at the drop of a hat will eventually make
> their kids nervous and jittery. The child may become excessively focused on
> pleasing the parents (and others) and will constantly feel they are not
> meeting expectations. They will lose their natural confidence and autonomy.*
>
> *Parenting is the most difficult job in the world and there is no such
> thing as the "ideal parent". But, we are the first teachers of our
> children. We are the ones they look up to and we are the ones they come to
> when they are low. So, it is our duty to strive to put our best foot
> forward, to let our kids grow each day in a positive environment. Let us
> tell them every day how special they are.*
>
> *A version of this blog first appeared here
> <http://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/of-life-and-its-follies/article/five-reasons-why-we-should-not-compare-our-children-with-others>.*
>
>
>
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