Merry
Christmas
It is Christmas, well technically Christmas Eve, and if you are offended at
what I say, perhaps you will read my whole post and know my story a little
better.
First,
Merry Christmas,
happy Hanukkah,
happy Kwanzaa,
happy happy happy.
Okay, I’m one of those that believe that Donald Trump is doing a fantastic job
even
though the fake news media is doing their best to discredit everything that the
majority of this country was built upon and believes in. For those that say the
quad site is not for religion, politics or a Merry Christmas, go pound sand,
better yet stick your head under it and come out in eight years.
Now, I’m going to say what I intend. I'm free, live in the United States of
America, the greatest nation on earth and at the moment have free speech. I
have been on the quad site most of 12 to 14 years, if not more and enjoyed the
posts that came across, found many helpful and I was able to help other people
that posted. I’m proud of who I am, what I’ve accomplished in my life and
scared of the road that I need to travel. I have this road close to my house
that I call my Prayer Road. When I have an issue I will travel this road to
think and pray. I was traveling that road in 1996 praying for an answer to
prayer because of a decision I needed to make. My mother was put on a
ventilator and a decision needed to be made to continue. Being the only
surviving child the weight fell on my shoulders and that was the issue I was
praying about. I know the spot that an audible voice told me “don’t worry she
is already with me.” That is something I will never forget.
I still travel that road when I have an issue to think or pray about, but I
look at the road a little different. About two thirds of the way on this road,
I look back. What I see is a stone road that I traveled many times. This road
is now paved, but in my mind I can still see a stone road and small concrete
bridge. This road I traveled hundreds of times on the way to “the old swimming
hole”. Oh yes, the old swimming hole, many of us have areas like this, many of
the kids that swam there also tried their first cigarette or other first. Mine
was a small corncob pipe, tobacco was cherry blend half-and-half. As I look
back the road I treasure the memories of the swimming hole and probably the
best hunting for small game in the area. I took many a rabbit and squirrel from
that road. Gone is the stone road, much of the trees and brush, remaining sweet
memories.
Today on that same road after I have looked back, I look forward. The road
goes up a small hill and bears to the left. If you are new to that road wonder,
what is ahead, what will I need to go through.
I know what I find for I elected to follow that road many years ago. However,
the thought of what is ahead and how will I handle it is the million-dollar
question.
A few months ago someone made the comment about ending their life, but stated
that they probably would not have the strength to go through that. It is not
srength to end your life, I know that all too well. Yes, it is going to end
your suffering and Lord knows I’ve suffered too. I’ve also gone through pain
when a brother committed suicide and I know firsthand what it does to those
around you. My nephew to this day has to be on medication for depression. If he
does not take his medicine they may find him laying on the floor rolled up in a
ball. My brother was a police officer, was on solo patrol and watched
helplessly as his best friends father, a damn drunk, stepped out from the
backside of a telephone pole into the path of a car, to commit suicide. My
brother tried to get him out and resuscitate him, but no go. The year was 1975
and thinking about actions like this were totally different. The police
department gave a few counseling sessions, but basically told him not to think
about it or talk about it and eventually it will go away. Well, just about a
year later it went away and so does my brother. I am mad at the police
department, or basically the people that were in charge of that time, but I met
her at my brother. At my time of life I need someone that I can share with, and
certain things cannot be shared and understood unless it is a sibling or very
long-standing friend.
My accident was 1966, so that makes me almost 52 years post SCI. In those 52
years I started out with two small businesses, the first making Christmas
decorations and the second selling hunting and fishing equipment. I always had
a very strong urge to go into the electronics field. I don’t know why, but
looking back it was a God thing. The Pennsylvania Bureau of rehabilitation
would not pay for schooling for electronics. I said, “fine I will pay for the
course on my own” and that is exactly what I did. All logic flies against what
I did, a person that does not have use of his hands and can repair electronic
equipment. My brain told me I could not do it, but my heart one my brain over.
When I was two thirds of the way through the correspondence course, before the
age of computers there was something called a correspondence course. The course
came through the mail completed it and returned your lessons by snail mail, OVR
decided to pay for the balance of my course.
It was about the time of the gas embargo and every truck and car had a CB
radio installed. Well, God put me in the right place at the right time. As I
graduated from consumer electronics in the public service electronics, police
fire and ambulance along with business radio equipment, things took off. I
would stay off of the disabled list for approximately 32 years and impressed
the rehabilitation people so much that when I built a new building to house the
equipment the state of Pennsylvania went to the expense of installing an
elevator. My counselor just shook his head and said in his 20 some years of
counseling the bigwigs never awarded something like this.
Well, because of my health I am now retired and because of my wife’s doctor
being on drugs and alcohol, botched up a hip replacement surgery. She is now
permanently disabled. But despite it all, life is good.
Throughout my 52 years of being a quadriplegic my body has taken a toll. Many
of you know what I am talking about, your internals compress, your bowels will
enlarge and someone on the quad site said that the best I’ve ever heard,
“bowels that would hold 10 pounds of shit now hold 30.”
Also, using a Foley catheter the entire time has taken its toll on the
bladder. This is my Achilles’ heel. In the 1960s and 70s there were no other
options and by the time these options came to light it was too late.
I’ve spent much of the last three years in bed. We’ve had one pressure sore
than another then another. I was diagnosed 12 years ago was bladder cancer, but
ask for a second opinion. I got my second opinion which was a shrug off. This
Dr. told me to go to John Hopkins in Baltimore, which we did. Testing at John
Hopkins found no cancer so no surgery was needed. The young just out of school
idiot that had his doctor’s license had already scheduled me for surgery. I
ound out that if I would have gone through surgery, I probably would not have
survived.
Because of ongoing issues with incontinence, thankfully I don’t have many UTIs
I was referred to Hershey Medical Center and visited a female doctor who is
probably in the top 10% in the country.
After examination and consultation she stated that “I would not be a good
candidate for surgery.” Internal organs have gone too far south and basically
the bladder is nonexistent. She has performed hundreds of surgeries to divert
the urinary tract. Chances of complications are 70% and of those 70%, 40% are
life-threatening. Unless it was a life and death decision she would not do the
surgery. Oh did I mention those odds are with normal patients? A normal patient
would be under anesthesia 6 to 8 hours, but my surgery probably would exceed 12
hours. That is a long, long time.
So here I am, enjoying what may well be my last Christmas on earth. I’ve
thought several times about going for a long ride off of a short pier. That is
not the answer, yes it may take your suffering away, but you bless the world
with new sufferings.
Like my doctor said, I should try different methods to help cope with things
that are happening to my body.
I don’t really know how I feel, I talk about death and nursing home with my
wife and family. My wife says she couldn’t stand life without me, but I cannot
figure out why she has taken out more life insurance, joke joke!
So, for now I’m still around, still reading your posts, opening my mouth once
in a while and I will continue to talk politics, religion and say Merry
Christmas to all.
Thanks for my rambling time,
Glenn Henry
PS: if anyone else has used a catheter for many many years, have problems with
incontinence because of that use I would like to hear your comments. My email
address is [email protected]. I don’t know how long I will be on America Online,
it leaves me on for a while then unsubscribe me because of the bounce backs.
AOL could never get their act together and is getting worse not better.
