ROTFL Dave S
On 5/9/05, David Mann <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > My partner found this on a newsgroup the other day. > > Sorry about the political content :) > > - Dave (I think I'll move to Italy) > > Begin forwarded message: > > > DEMOCRATIC > > You have two cows. > > Your neighbor has none. > > You feel guilty for being successful. > > Barbara Streisand sings for you. > > > > > > REPUBLICAN > > You have two cows. > > Your neighbor has none. > > So? > > > > > > SOCIALIST > > You have two cows. > > The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. > > You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. > > > > > > COMMUNIST > > You have two cows. > > The government seizes both and provides you with milk. > > You wait in line for hours to get it. > > It is expensive and sour. > > > > > > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE > > You have two cows. > > You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. > > > > > > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE > > You have two cows. > > Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk > > the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. > > > > > > AMERICAN CORPORATION > > You have two cows. > > You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. > > You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are > > surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the > > analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. > > Your stock goes up. > > > > > > FRENCH CORPORATION > > You have two cows. > > You go on strike because you want three cows. > > You go to lunch and drink wine. > > Life is good. > > > > > > JAPANESE CORPORATION > > You have two cows. > > You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow > > and produce twenty times the milk. > > They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. > > Most are at the top of their class at cow school. > > > > > > GERMAN CORPORATION > > You have two cows. > > You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give > > excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. > > Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. > > > > > > ITALIAN CORPORATION > > You have two cows but you don't know where they are. > > While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. > > You break for lunch. > > Life is good. > > > > > > RUSSIAN CORPORATION > > You have two cows. > > You have some vodka. > > You count them and learn you have five cows. > > You have some more vodka. > > You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. > > The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. > > > > > > TALIBAN CORPORATION > > You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. > > You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private > > parts. > > You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find > > alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. > > > > > > IRAQI CORPORATION > > You have two cows. > > They go into hiding. > > They send radio tapes of their mooing. > > > > > > POLISH CORPORATION > > You have two bulls. > > Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. > > > > > > BELGIAN CORPORATION > > You have one cow. > > The cow is schizophrenic. > > Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish. > > The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. > > The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. > > The cow asks permission to be cut in half. > > The cow dies happy. > > > > > > FLORIDA CORPORATION > > You have a black cow and a brown cow. > > Everyone votes for the best looking one. > > Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally > > vote for the black one. > > Some people vote for both. > > Some people vote for neither. > > Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. > > Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you > > think is the best-looking cow. > > > > > > CALIFORNIA CORPORATION > > You have millions of cows. > > They make real California cheese. > > Only five speak English. > > Most are illegals. > > Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. > > > >
