I do have some personality commitments grounded in my own physicality
and long practice.
"be like water" was my yungerDotter's regular mantra during this move,
mostly to herself,. But also to her 14yr dotter who was not used to
having to defer to so many moving parts and to those of us who were not
used to dealing with a 14yr old with so many moving parts of her own.
It was somewhere between a hydrodynamics and reverse kinematics
puzzle-solving exercise.
On 4/7/26 2:19 pm, glen wrote:
Yes. Whether *all* antagonistic stances can be transformed into
agonistic cooperation is some sort of personality commitment. At some
point, some participants will acquiesce temporarily, or simply give
in, or overpower and dominate, etc. For me, it's akin to a [refractory
period](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK11146/). I almost never
get tired during a [ahem] lively discussion. Most of my friends quit
before me. But I do choose who I hang out with. And I choose to hang
out with people who are willing to maintain the dialectic until we
reach some form of closure consent. So once you get your energy back
and find yourself in the right circumstances, you continue the
disagreement. That also allows for a kind of annealing where stances
shift, evolve, and harden during the periods of rest.
There are some people I choose *not* to butt against, though,
unless/until they irritate me so badly I can't help it. E.g. there was
a Daddy that used to frequent the pub I've now adopted as home. He
insisted on using the N-word (as well as others, but he was
particularly fond of that one). Now, 99% of the people who go to this
pub are "white". So the guy's really just a posturing buffoon. So none
of the kids pushed back or responded the way Daddy wanted them to
respond. ... I finally couldn't help myself. I explained, in some
colorful language and with a 1000 yard stare, that he could continue
using the word all he wants. But he should realize he's proving how
stupid he is. ... turns out my calling him stupid to his face was way
more offensive to him than the N-word was to any of us. >8^D Sometimes
I miss Texas. The people up/over here are just too nice ... it's like
pulling teeth to get them to talk in plain language.
On 4/7/26 1:43 PM, Steve Smith wrote:
Mary (who did not attend this shindiggery) still carries a childhood
phrase: "I know you are, but what am I?" which (for me) rhymes with
"im rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks
to you".
They both offer (IMO) an invitation to shift from antagonistic to
agonistic engagement? Ad Hominem seems to reinforce the
antagonistic, though I've know a few who can receive and own and
blend an ad-hominem attack in a way which is transformative of the
discussion. My daughters did this a few times with the tu quoques
thrown at them but the ad hominem is usually harder to aikido (tenkan
or mai mai?).
Parental authority roles suppressed most even vague attempts at
ad-hominem... but I had my grand-daughters favorite one queued up to
hand back. Around age 5 she thought she could throw "you stink!" at
almost anyone to disrupt the conversation... i still have that one to
offer her at the drop of a hat... when delivered with a smirk it
always gets an "et tu" look in response. I try to use it less than
once each time we spend much time together... don't wanna wear it
out. Perhaps a Zen Keisaku?
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