Roberto C. Sánchez <robe...@debian.org> (2018-04-18): > I have, on occasion, written messages that I later (sometimes even > immediately) regretted. What has worked well for me and helped prevent > me from initiating or compounding situations like those you point out > is this process: > > - Get upset over whatever the perceived offense is > - Write the inevitably emotionally charged message (but DO NOT SEND) > - Read the message back to myself, preferrably aloud > - Delete the message > - Turn down the "emotional dial" several notches and reconsider the > situation, with a specific effort to have more charitable > consideration of the actions of others involved > - At this point, if a message still feels warranted, start from scratch > and write a more courteous message that focuses on the specific > techincal, procedural, or other issue, without resorting to emotional > arguments or other inflammatory statements (this step may have to wait > a day or more if the situation is especially volatile) > > I share it here in the case that others may find it helpful. This may > be the sort of thing that is natural for some, but it was definitely > not natural for me and I had to train myself to this. > > This approach certainly is not perfect, but I can personally attest > that I have written and then subsequently deleted lots of messages > that by any objective measure would have served to only worsen a > situation. When I have failed to follow my own advice, I have without > fail only made the situations in question worse.
Thanks for sharing. When I learned about the “postpone” variant years ago, it kind of changed my life: - Write mail. - Postpone it. - Do something else. - When getting back to the topic, write a fresh mail without even looking at the old one. - Once a year, remember you postponed mails. Deleting them without reading them again is what works best for me; no need to get angry again, or sad at having been angry. Cheers, -- Cyril Brulebois (k...@debian.org) <https://debamax.com/> D-I release manager -- Release team member -- Freelance Consultant
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